One of the most common things women say to me about working in tech is this:
“I just don’t feel confident yet.”
It’s usually said quietly. Sometimes apologetically. As if confidence is something they should already have, and the fact that they don’t is a personal failure.
I don’t think it is.
In fact, I think the opposite is often true.
Confidence is often the result, not the starting point
Tech environments tend to reward confidence very early on.
People speak quickly. Decisions are made in meetings. Opinions are shared before ideas are fully formed. The loudest voice can sound like the most competent one, even when it isn’t.
If you’re early in your career, new to your career tech, or still learning how the system works, this can be deeply disorienting. You look around and assume everyone else knows what they’re doing, while you’re still trying to make sense of the landscape.
So you conclude that the problem must be you.
That you’re behind. Or not cut out for this. Or somehow missing a confidence gene everyone else received.
I don’t believe that’s what’s happening.
Learning the system is the work
Most of the women I work with are capable, thoughtful, and conscientious.
They don’t lack intelligence or motivation. What they lack is context.
How decisions actually get made.
Where power really sits.
Which details matter now, and which ones don’t.
What “good” looks like in this specific environment.
Those things are rarely written down. You learn them by observing, asking questions, and sometimes getting things wrong.
While you’re doing that learning, confidence often lags.
Not because you’re failing, but because you’re still orienting yourself.
Confidence without understanding is fragile
One of the things I’ve noticed over time is that confidence that comes before understanding doesn’t last very long.
It tends to crumble under pressure. Or disappear the first time someone challenges it. Or turn defensive when uncertainty appears.
The confidence that endures is built differently.
It comes from knowing how things work.
From understanding the system well enough to navigate it.
From being able to explain your thinking, even when the answer isn’t perfect.
That kind of confidence takes time.
Feeling unsure doesn’t mean you don’t belong
This is the part I wish someone had told me earlier.
Feeling unsure is not a sign that you’re not cut out for a career in tech.
It’s often a sign that you’re learning in a complex environment that doesn’t slow down to explain itself.
If you’re asking questions.
If you’re trying to understand the bigger picture.
If you’re noticing gaps and inconsistencies.
You’re doing the work.
It just doesn’t always look confident from the outside.
What helps, instead of forcing confidence
Rather than trying to perform confidence, I’ve found it more useful to focus on a few quieter things:
- Learning how the system actually behaves
- Making your thinking visible, even when it’s incomplete
- Asking clear questions without apologising
- Noticing where confidence is being rewarded over substance
Over time, something shifts.
You stop feeling like you’re catching up.
You start recognising patterns.
You trust your judgement more.
Confidence follows.
A final thought
If you’re early in your career, or still finding your footing in tech, I want to leave you with this:
You don’t need to feel confident yet.
You need time to understand the system you’re operating in.
That understanding compounds. And when it does, confidence arrives quietly, without you having to force it.
This is something I write about often here, because it sits underneath so much unnecessary self-doubt.
If this resonated, you’re very welcome here.
Freedom to be 